5 days, 5 rhythms

Struggling.

With abstraction, permission, starting; knowing I need to do more.

I gave myself a framework.

5 drawings, 5 days, 5 rhythms

The dance is based on 5 different rhythms each connecting with a different part of the body and noticing.

Flow - feet
Staccato - hips
Chaos - spine and head
Lyrical - arms and hands
Stillness - whole body and breath

A dance; a drawing each day for 5 days:

Flow

Staccato

Chaos

Lyrical

Stillness

Drawing and the Body

For some time I have been exploring being in my body. 

Something for myself but also for my therapy practice. The felt sense. Trauma left in our bodies whilst we seek refuge in our heads. Disconnect. How to feel and process.

My explorations have taken me to some interesting places! Work has been becoming more felt and abstract for some time.

Dancing. With purpose. As exploration and sensation.

How to gently bring art and body together.

Below two drawings made as part of dance. Two different rhythms. Two different expressions.

 My body is a cage

Tatchedogbe

I'm noticing I want to develop these more - does that come from a previous discipline now not needed? 

Are these enough? 

Sit now.

Once more......

I adore the theatre and I am a painter. I think the two are made for a marriage of love. I will give allmy soul to prove this once more.(Marc Chagall)

The last time I wrote was October last year! No matter. It's interesting to look back over such great time expansions.

Now. 

A weekend or so ago I went to visit my friend's MA show. She was completing her Masters in Contemporary Art Practice at Plymouth University (artists - Rosie Kearton, Laura Rosser, Tina Adair and Connor McIntyre - look them up) 

I have to say that it was the most encouraging and inspiring art exhibition I have been to in a long time. 

The four artists, all using very different media and subjects, responded individually, thoughtfully and professionally in their chosen subject. And the subjects ranged from domestic violence to the experience of walking. I felt something observing each piece. The whole weekend was a chance to be immersed in art once again - my friend even gave me a crit on my own work! And I came away feeling inspired to work again and, more importantly, to bring together my art practice and my psychotherapy theories. I felt that there could be a congruence in what I was doing and in doing so my therapeutic practice would be enriched.

Cool weekend eh?!

So, working on the idea of 'mending' I made a start. 

My themes in my therapy practice are those of relational theory and focusing on the felt sense in the body. My art practice has changed in 12 months from the precision drawing to use of full movements, using hands and body parts to create abstracts. So I start to experiment with these abstracts and mending.

Painting on fabric, noticing lines on the paper behind and the feel of the paint in my hands.

My other life begins

It has been some time since I used this.

I was contemplating whether to start it up again or whether to post under a different name but that is the issue here. 

I have been hiding. I have been afraid to speak out and be my truth and really if I am going to do this then I need to be 'out there' and stop restricting people from seeing me, the real me.

I do that so I don't get hurt. We all do. But there is something brave and vulnerable in saying 'this is who I am' and it's time for me to do that.

All that has gone before....has gone. All that art work, the figuring out of stuff, seems a lifetime away. I have moved on; so much further on. And I have learned so much since. 
I'm still doing art but now a masters in art psychotherapy. Using the power of art to heal and access parts of our inner psyche that we keep tightly wrapped up. Art gains access without you knowing. It is a wonderful process.

So my own work is not so much - mainly things I am trying to work out. What I haven't worked out is how to make those things .......no!!! I was going to say how to make those things desirable to others so I can show them - but this is the thing! This is what I have been doing - .....what would they like to see? And making that rather than making what I want and tough titties if people don't like it.

I did tree/people drawings - that was to help me work through the end of a love affair. They were exposing and vulnerable and they were well received in the main. Need to stay focused on that

For now the reason I have started this up again is the wonderful world of relationships.

I saw something and it looked like something I was trying to do too. It wasn't what it seemed. Things reveal themselves in time. But, dear reader, I got hurt. Badly. And as I was sobbing I had a moment of clarity.

I could see my vulnerability. I could see what I was searching for and I could see that if I continue to operate behind this 'front' I won't ever find it. There is a reason people don't truly know me.

And I'm scared. I am full of fear. And excitement in part. I am full of fear of stepping off that precipice and making that leap because I have no idea what is waiting for me. And my life has been about control - trying to keep control. But how can I expect to meet someone who will truly know the dusty corners of my soul if I don't show people the dusty corners of my soul.

I'm not talking about marching out and peeling off my skin and allowing everyone to see me in all my glory but I have to find a way of being true to myself and at the same time protecting myself from those that would hurt me. If I figure it out I'll let you know.

The thing that made me cry so much a love filled day. Making love, walking, dancing. My heart aches, aches with the pain of not having what I wanted.

They are beautiful people. Fragile and brave and daring. And wonderful to have found each other.

So, time to start being me. So many layers to peel back to find who that is. Time to trust in the universe. Properly trust. To say I'm done. I don't want to do this anymore I want to be authentic and real and alive and embodied and to know, really know who I am and be ok with that.

I am going to devote time and meditate and work and trust that the universe will reveal the answer to me. In this life I am slowly disappearing. 

I don't know at this point what is going to happen or how but I am determined things will change. I will reflect on my life and I will learn and transform.

Much love xx

Draw a Line

I started this blog as part of my process on my fine art degree.

That was some time ago now and much has passed since then.

Things are no longer what they were and I am no longer who I was.

It is time to draw a line.

And so with fondness I say goodbye to this blog, to 'my other life' and move on to pastures new.

New work

It has been some time.

I have been walking and feeling and experiencing the world around me.

My experiences have become my drawings.

And now I can move on.

Bound Exhibition

I mentioned in my previous post that I had submitted some work for an exhibition.
The exhibition is the Artists Book Collective and is entitled 'Bound'.

The link is here to see works and buy...
  http://abcarchive.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/bound_8.html 
and more here....
https://www.facebook.com/artistbookcollective
http://www.flickr.com/groups/artistbookcollective/
https://twitter.com/ArtistBookColl

The curator - Louise Atkinson - has worked really hard for this and I'm very excited to be a part of it.

holidays

It is the holidays.
I am overcome with lethargy 
well as much as I am allowed with two children and a dog!
My days are spent walking the dog, reading, occasional trips.

Some exhibitions I've seen

Sarah Lucas - Ordinary Things

not sure I feel the same as the art critic - tights and kapok, would anyone else get such a positive review?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/gallery/2012/jul/18/sarah-lucas-ordinary-things-in-pictures#/?picture=393257789&index=9

Joan Miro

http://www.ysp.co.uk/ysp-media/press-releases/joan-mir%C3%B3-first-uk-exhibition-of-sculpture

interesting concept of using ordinary things put together to make formal sculpture. I'm glad I've seen them but they didn't blow me away. Anish Kapoor is also at YSP so need to go back.

As for me

Trees - I became interested in the light through the trees

So, I had a go. I'm still wondering about the greens....

On a non-tree subject, some time ago I submitted a proposal for an Artists Book Exhibition on the subject of 'Bound'.

I was accepted and this week submitted my work.

It's based on my investigations into line and thread - the Ta'o are a tribe of people who communicated through knots in thread, telling their own stories. I thought to bind a book in such a thread - a story within a story - would be interesting......

So, the children leave for two weeks soon and I will do some more drawing

Trees

Its been quite a while.
Things got overwhelming. I don't need to go into it. Art stopped.
Slowly it's coming back.
The trees in my garden helped

At the bottom of my garden is a graveyard.

In the graveyard are two beautiful trees.

I watch the seasons pass, the life within, and they comfort me.

So I drew the trees. And I sewed the trees

And the bark began to fascinate me, knarly, skin, protection, mask

So I drew the bark

And I drew some more

This guy joined my family

And today the tree looks like this

Time passes.

new work

I've been experimenting with paint, painting, expression, abstraction, emotion.

I've found a way to link my text and my art.

Some images for now

Onward!

It has been a while since I last posted. Simply put I haven't had much energy for it. I realised how much I had been through in the last couple of years and I've had some difficulty with some of it is all I need to say. I still am. Its a wave that I ride. I heard today a saying...'.life is like a wave - if you stand still in front of it it will knock you down but if you dive in and swim through you will come out the other side.....' I also heard another ....' the past is not something that can be wished for but as the present is built upon it gradually fades away' .....I went to see 'The Exotic Marigold Hotel' today and it was full of such sayings. Lovely. There was only me and 5 old women in the cinema! they were complaining it was too loud. The film is full of the brilliance of the best of british acting (Bill Nighy being a particular favourite!)

So I have been stuck right up me own arse  (very smelly!) but I have also been out and about. I've been to a few exhibitions - an interesting one in Hebden Bridge 'He calls himself Margaret' by Michelle Howart Rashman - a collection of fabric sculptures made up of layers of material depicting women - a clever observation of real life - women, grotesque at first sight, but who are clearly living feeling people which becomes very moving as you remain in their presence. Have a look at the review here... http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/art/features/picture-preview-he-calls-himself-margaret-6259833.html

I've also been to see Claire Woods at the Hepworth - she paints large scale abstracts of landscapes - it was visually impressive but I didn't get as much out of it as some other people I know. And before Christmas I went to the Baltic to look at the Turner Prize nominees. Its the first time I have seen such an exhibition - we were shepherded around it, unable to go back and spend time. I was interested in Martin Boyce as he uses text and sculpture and I wasn't disappointed. I felt at home in his gallery. To be honest I thought the paintings would win because of the amount of interest in them but they didn't. I'm glad. I felt they weren't honest about themselves. And they were very sad. A rainy day became a George Shaw day. I had a bet with my companion and I won but sadly I never received my winnings.

I also took a look at  the Northern Prize nominees - this year I felt they were very interesting. I loved the winning contribution - a clever idea I wish I'd done! Easy - taking photos and all the photos were of my home town so it was a joy to sit and watch (for me!) I also loved the emotional work of Liadin Cooke  - the use of materials to express emotion resonated deeply within me but the NAP is quite predicatable and she didn't win.

So busy out and about and busy making. I'm taking part in the Leeds Artists Book Fair again this year and seeing as I don't have the stress of completing dissertations, making final pieces and moving house this year I threw myself into making some books.

I have made a range - a few blank, faux leather wrap round books and some blank, concertina books with my own collage design on the front. I have also made some 'zine's - small paper books on a subject of interest - I've made a series of four books on line (the subject of my work) plus I have also made a couple of small zines using words (another favourite of mine) - these words have significant meaning to me but are presented in a way I hope makes them of interest to other - I guess I'll find out at the fair! I have also made cards and original drawings based on my line drawings. I've enjoyed being creative again and getting back out there.

I have also submitted a proposal to a gallery which unfortunately wasn't successful but I received some very positive feedback which has been encouraging. I am also submitting other work....will have to see eh?!

So - I will try to keep up my entries. It has been nice to write this, to focus elsewhere, I'll be honest, because I can't be anything else, I'm dealing with a lot of loss right now, learning about myself and trying to figure out my place in the world, trying to be grateful but very, very tired.

Much love.





processing

I've been continuing to do my 'theraputic' work - I have to say its been helping enormously - to come home and be able to express myself through my art is such a change in direction from the 'box ticking' exercises I have been used to for the last 6 years. And maybe a necessary need to break with the chains of the past?



I am coming to think that to have a number of 'strands' of work on the go at the same time is a practice that is useful for me - I say for me as it might not be the case for other artists. I've also been told I am always 'on the go' and maybe that is an aspect of me I am embracing and trying to calm. Anyway - for me - I have very much appreciated the discovery of expression through art but I find myself longing for my drawing...I want to 'get back' to drawing now. My interest in the tangled line is still insisting on a voice and so I am longing to do some more work on that - more to come later!

Another idea that is bubbling up inside is something to do with the body. It would not be an underestimation to say that this year has been tough! Moving house, renovating, degree work, employed work plus all the emotional and practical issues that come with being a single mum! I am exhausted. Understandably. My body has started to tell me to stop. Since finishing my course I have been ill in one way or another. My throat has been bad, my ears have become infected and my neck and shoulder muscles finally could take no more tension! I went to see a wonderful osteopath who introduced me to the idea of somaticisation. Last week I went for a back, face and head massage. I became aware of how little I had been touched over the years and that I was still carrying the pain of the last 7 years. We humans need touch......how can I explore this in my art?

Anyway its a thought in progress but exploring the idea of the body I did some body printing using a paprika and tumeric dye I had made (it was used for the back ground of the picture above)

So - will get on with more work but am going to take it slowly this time. Christmas is coming and I want to make some presents and decorations. Time to not do so much - this weekend I am enjoying watching dvd's and taking in the wonder of the autumn garden. I am grateful and blessed.